We begin by answering a few questions put out in issue #3 where I talked about myself in the vein of a normal fan club, and urged you the fans to put out questions for me that I can answer. So, without further ado from you know who here’s our first question:

This question comes in from Derek Ham d3ham@juno.com who says “josh, instead of e-mailing us all why don't you just set up a simple page and just change your text once a month or whenever you want to update. I think it will be a whole lot more entertaining than these long e-mails.” – I feel where you’re coming from Derek. I guess like a lot of us you don’t have a lot of precious time on your hands, and would like to look at my new content at your leisure instead of feeling the need to look at it right when it arrives in your e-mailbox, or having it clutter up everything and just never getting around to reading it. I wish I knew how to set up a “simple page” and at this time don’t have the funds to pay anyone to do so. In my free time this weekend I will endeavor to discover the secrets of Internet Page Making!(editor's note - looks like I handled that job, eh?)

Heidi heidigwc@hotmail.com says “I have a question, boxers or briefs?” Well Heidi, this just might be the edgiest topic I have explored, but a reasonable question deserves a reasonable answer. It’s usually briefs, (Michael Jordan wears them “because they fit”), but on occasion I will slip on my 2 pairs of boxers I have received the last 2 Christmas times: a pair of Santa boxers, and a pair of Grinch boxers that say “Merry Grinchmas!” – funny sidenote on the back end of the stitching of these Grinch boxers “rinch” was cut out and it actually reads “Merry Gas!” I promise. It’s true, it’s true.

Jason Ward head626@hotmail.com wants to know “hey josh, love the club. got a few questions for ya man. 1. what do you do on weeknights for fun and stuff 2. who is your favorite sibling in your family 3. now that tom and i are no longer employed by video update, where will you go to rent movies”

Well Jason I think you meant to put a question mark on number 3 which would make it a question instead of a weird statement so I will answer it as such ahem: 1) On Monday and Wednesday nights till December I have night classes at Christopher Newport University in Newport News, Va, so I usually don’t do a great deal afterwards except check e-mail, think up new topics for the fan club, play computer games, or call friends long distance because I have a ridiculous rate from Qwest Communications (obvious plug). It seems from your question that you might want to “hang out” with me on occasion that would be fine with me, my number (uh-oh putting my number up on the net just like a celebrity is 757-898-6606. If I’m not home just leave a message on the voice mail, and I can check anytime from any phone. 2) my favorite sibling I’m not allowed to say on the grounds that one of you might tell them and they would hear it so let me just state that John, Elizabeth, and Anna are all my favorites. (pretty good grounds I think) 3) Despite the heavy emotional loss of my buds Jason and Tom not being employed at my local Video Update I continue to shop there because it is the closest store nearest me and because of their great deal: one dollar rentals on Tuesday!!! (obvious plug #2)

Well fans that’s all the questions that were put forth last month. Two issues from now I’ll answer any and all of your questions again in their entirety (questions may be edited for content) So send those questions in to joshdudley@yahoo.com and know that your voice will be heard!!!

And finally Mark Ulrich mulrich21@hotmail.com former employee of Video Update in Grafton wanted his old Video Update buddies to know that “This is Mark at school at UVa. I know that some of your avid fans are some of the guys at the vid store and I was wondering if you could spread the word for me: a lot of people there are fans of the movie 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' and Im showing that movie at my theatre here in Charlottesville on the big screen this Thurs at 9 and Fri & Sat at Midnight, in case anybody is in the neighborhood.”

Thus Concludes Issue number 5…or Does IT????????

What follows is a fanclub flashback: this is something that I put out for my college newspaper about the news in 98’ or should I say 1998 (for those of you who are still Y2K deficient) Enjoy. And remember send me any and all comment, questions, or concerns. I promise 100 percent that they will be answered in due time.

It's Time to Take a Serioius Look at the News, Seriously

With all the news that's happening lately, and lets face it; there's a gosh darn lot of it. I thought it was about time to get the average reader up to date on what's been happening, before anything else happens. Sure most fancy shmancy magazines will give you an encapsulation of the news at the end of the year when you don't need it. By the end of the year, it's time to forget about what happened last year and concentrate on the next year. So without further ado, hoop-do-la, or hubub here is a look at this year in the news.

-O.J. didn't kill anyone, or lose any significant amount of money in a trial. You may not think that's news, but apparantely the rest of the world does, because everytime O.J. did anything remotely interesting (i.e. went grocery shopping) the rest of the free world stopped what they were doing and talked about it. "O.J. goes shopping, Is he planning his next kill?"

-Another former SNL cast member, Phil Hartman, dies. A lot of coverage was given to this story, including opinions about "who is the next to go?" Note to David Spade's wife, make sure your husband has good life insurance.

-Bill Clinton did or possibly did not do a lot of things. Clinton has been on the front page almost every day this year for things he did, said, or someone else said about him. It was so bad at one point during the summer, that a casual remark about Clinton would turn into another question. "That Clinton thing the other day was pretty funny." "Which one Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, or Whitewater?" Plus throughout the year Ken Starr was giving anyone he could think of a subpoena in order to get more evidence against Bill. If you're reading this, you're already liable.

-Armaggedon, a movie about huge asteroids, became very successful at the movie box office. And in a related attempt to scare the general American population, scientists speculated on whether or not an asteroid would hit the earth or not. If it did would probably destroy half of the earth, and the other half would probably die from all the debris. Why would anyone want to know in advance that something might kill you and you can't do anything about it? If we knew that we'd probably spend most of our time figuring out ways to put a drill team on the asteroid and put some kind of nuclear missile in it to destroy it and save the earth. But hey, that's only my theory.

-After one of the most monstrous hypings on earth of a movie ever, Godzilla belly-flopped big time at the box office; and they were already planning a sequel? Ouch. I think I need a bigger box (and a shovel), and I'm not talking about a gordita.

-Mark McGwire hits a lot of home-runs. For sports fans this was the ultimate; you knew everyday how many home-runs "Big Mac" was projected to hit at any given moment, and any McGwire home-run precluded any and all news events. "In other news, about 50 people were killed in skirmishes in Iraq and...this just in, Mark McGwire hit another home-run, he is now headed for 85 home-runs! Can he do it, or will he get 100?" The coverage on this man could have only been more intensive if he ever did autograph signings with O.J.

-Hugely popular pop groups Hanson, and the Spice Girls went out played music, and looked cute. Every time they said anything to the media it was recorded. Both groups wanted to make a statement that they were more than just pretty faces playing music. Hanson made the claim that they were honestly good musicians, and two of the Spice Girls got pregnant. So tell me what you want (what you really, really want)? Well I hope Jonathon Taylor Thomas doesn't become an honorary fourth member of Hanson.

I've been told that the time for news is over, and they need the rest of this space to advertise something called "Viagra". But before we go....MARK McGWIRE HIT ANOTHER HOME-RUN!!!!!!, and Ken Starr needs to talk to you. Bad.