It has come to my attention that some people don’t like unexpected traffic jams. This is probably because people often have their entire day and trip itinerary planned out to the millisecond, including time spent ogling the new displays at the gas station, and waiting for about 200 other cars to slowly move past a police officer on a routine traffic stop who happens to be blocking a lane usually isn’t a planned out occurrence. If it was, then it probably wouldn’t be so bad. Many of you would make productive use of your time, like recording your entire life autobiography on tape. (Side 1. I was born. Later at the age of 2 when I ran around with no clothes on down the sidewalk, I knew I was destined for greatness, etc.)

There’s usually not much you can do to get ahead in regular traffic jams, other than changing lanes rapidly to move forward about 10 feet. But there different kinds of traffic jams, the first kind is the extremely unexpected “why is the guy in front of me putting his brakes on? Why am I slowing down? Why is my life grinding to a halt? AAAAAA I can’t take it anymore!!!” That’s the first kind of traffic jam, the second is the kind caused by your friendly local government when they close a lane on a merging intersection causing all the traffic that was in 2 or 3 lanes to eventually be forced down to just one. This of course creates a problem that is just not mentioned in your official state drivers handbook which you can find readily available at any state licensed dmv after waiting in line for only 10 minutes. The problem is that when some people (read: old) see flashing signs that tell you that the right lane is closing move into the left lane, they obey immediately and get in the left lane. These same people obey all traffic laws and would if need be wait in that officially licensed traffic jam until Jesus comes back to take them to Heaven (where I’m assuming there are no cars). But, other people refuse to obey the signs right away. These are the same kinds of people that wait until their grass is about 2 feet high before mowing their lawn. What they do is attempt to merge at the last possible second right before the imminent destruction of crashing into a government vehicle that is blocking the road. What this does is it gets this person far ahead of the rest of the line where they prey on the good nature of those people who have waited 20 minutes to get to where this person got in under a minute. “Please stop your car, so I can get ahead of you”, these people seem to say. “After all, if you don’t let me in. I’ll cause trouble for you and gradually try to squeeze on through.” If you choose to merge somewhere in the middle, like I do, then you don’t have to wait in the entire line of cars, and you also don’t force someone to move for you, you actually merge. This just means that you are mad as tar at those people who want to cut in front of you and slow things down for everyone. After all, you did the right thing.

In the end, there is no real answer to traffic jams, until the day comes when we all drive around in flying cars which turn into our briefcase which we take to work and lay down besides us happily. Besides if the government tried to regulate it, you probably wouldn’t like the solution very much anyway. I’d write more about this topic but I’m just too mad to say more.

As usual all questions, comments, thoughts of a random nature, and death threats may be sent to joshdudley@yahoo.com at your own personal discretion. I welcome anything. I do like to read.